Hi everyone, the following contains information about eating disorders and my opinion/understanding of them. This is to notify readers with eating disorders that I have tried my hardest not to include anything that might be a trigger, but as I haven't had an ED I find it hard to gauge. Much love xx
I can’t claim to know very much about eating disorders. However, I have known people over my life that have struggled with this kind of illness- and after being exposed to this issue, I think (as in most situations) that it’s important for us all to be informed.
When I discovered that a person very dear to me suffered from an eating disorder, I immediately decided to do some research and find out how to be supportive (and how not to trigger them). This was actually the first time I’d consciously thought, “Wow, we haven’t been taught about anything like this. No wonder people with mental illnesses are ostracised: so few people can understand them!”
So, without further ado, here are some things I found it helpful to know (I've used websites of official organisations as well as blogs/opinion articles by people who've had eating disorders).
1) If you know/love somebody with an eating disorder, it's important to be educated about the topic. Don't blunder in if you want to talk to them! Do a little research. Make an effort. <<<< This was my first step!!!! It helped me understand
I can’t claim to know very much about eating disorders. However, I have known people over my life that have struggled with this kind of illness- and after being exposed to this issue, I think (as in most situations) that it’s important for us all to be informed.
When I discovered that a person very dear to me suffered from an eating disorder, I immediately decided to do some research and find out how to be supportive (and how not to trigger them). This was actually the first time I’d consciously thought, “Wow, we haven’t been taught about anything like this. No wonder people with mental illnesses are ostracised: so few people can understand them!”
So, without further ado, here are some things I found it helpful to know (I've used websites of official organisations as well as blogs/opinion articles by people who've had eating disorders).
1) If you know/love somebody with an eating disorder, it's important to be educated about the topic. Don't blunder in if you want to talk to them! Do a little research. Make an effort. <<<< This was my first step!!!! It helped me understand
2) Don't direct blame. A person who has an eating disorder is suffering from an illness. Sometimes it may seem like they are being selfish, and they will probably express anger and be moody. Well, would you blame a person who has cancer for being "selfish"? Blame only causes harm.
3) Don't act angry or frustrated towards them. This one can be difficult, right? I mean, everyone gets angry sometimes, and caring for a friend, family member etc. with an eating disorder can be very taxing. But remember, a person with an eating disorder can have distorted perceptions. Anger expressed may be interpreted in a way that makes them think you don't care about them.
3) Don't act angry or frustrated towards them. This one can be difficult, right? I mean, everyone gets angry sometimes, and caring for a friend, family member etc. with an eating disorder can be very taxing. But remember, a person with an eating disorder can have distorted perceptions. Anger expressed may be interpreted in a way that makes them think you don't care about them.
4) DO NOT try and force or coerce them to eat. It will feel like an attack to them, and will most likely be met with resistance! Encouragement + positivity = good. Force = bad. Commenting on their food habits, or any kind of related topics (and especially criticism) will cause setbacks!
5) Don't give up on them. The most important thing for you to communicate is that you care about them, and that you want them to be happy. That you will support them no matter what. That you love them unconditionally and that you will stick it out. You will be there for them MORE than their ED is there for them. Show that you provide safety, support and security BETTER than their ED.
7) Understand that an ED is brilliant at hearing their misery. It is always there for them. It is both their worst enemy and their best friend. When they've given up on everything, their ED is the only thing that is constant. To get around this, you need to be a better listener than the ED. Be a better supporter. Be there for them more.
5) Don't give up on them. The most important thing for you to communicate is that you care about them, and that you want them to be happy. That you will support them no matter what. That you love them unconditionally and that you will stick it out. You will be there for them MORE than their ED is there for them. Show that you provide safety, support and security BETTER than their ED.
7) Understand that an ED is brilliant at hearing their misery. It is always there for them. It is both their worst enemy and their best friend. When they've given up on everything, their ED is the only thing that is constant. To get around this, you need to be a better listener than the ED. Be a better supporter. Be there for them more.
8) Don't make them feel guilty for talking about it all the time. They need to. It's how they deal with emotion, and ask for help. However, it's important not to force them to talk about it.
9) People with eating disorders (or any mental illness) are just that. People. They still have legitimate thought processes, legitimate emotions, and legitimate opinions. Don't patronise them, and don't talk about them as if they are little kids. It's a good thing to be open with them (whilst being mindful of triggers).
10) Reassure the person that you are there for them. Not just verbally; through actions, writing, small things. ANYTHING that you think will reassure them. And make sure you are there for them. It's important for a person with an eating disorder to feel as if they have somebody to go to, other than "Ana" or whatever form their disorder takes.
11) Their ED is NOT their identity. The person is separate from their illness. For example, many anorexics refer to their eating disorders as "Ana" and establishing that it is separate from them.
12) Rather than commenting on their weight or appearance, it is better to altogether avoid such conversation. These comments, though meant well, can actually be triggers and cause negative thinking. If you wish to compliment them, then things like "You seem to be flourishing!" or "You seem like you are a person who is in love with life!" are safer.
13) Don't make comments about other girls or celebrities' bodies. This one's kind of obvious: it can be a big trigger.
12) Rather than commenting on their weight or appearance, it is better to altogether avoid such conversation. These comments, though meant well, can actually be triggers and cause negative thinking. If you wish to compliment them, then things like "You seem to be flourishing!" or "You seem like you are a person who is in love with life!" are safer.
13) Don't make comments about other girls or celebrities' bodies. This one's kind of obvious: it can be a big trigger.
14) They're the same person you knew before. don't let it get in the way of your relationship.
15) Don't be surprised if they relapse. It's likely that a person in recovery will relapse: That is absolutely ok. It's common in recovered ED peeps, but you can get back up and try again. People who choose to recovery from their EDs are strong. A relapse is not the end of the world. They can get through it!
15) Don't be surprised if they relapse. It's likely that a person in recovery will relapse: That is absolutely ok. It's common in recovered ED peeps, but you can get back up and try again. People who choose to recovery from their EDs are strong. A relapse is not the end of the world. They can get through it!
16) It can be hard for people with eating disorders not to reject the notion that they "eat themselves back to physical health." That's not how it works. I read somewhere that a better way of thinking about it is like this: Not eating, but nourishing. "I am nourishing my body, showing care and love for myself and providing myself with energy. I am nourishing my mind, and thinking positive thoughts."
I actually remembered this because it's one of my self-talk things that I used in my own recovery from depression and anxiety. Instead of food (no problems for me there) I'd pretend that positive thoughts were nourishment. Just like the way plants take in nutrients through their roots, I would cultivate my positivity and become... Well, a freaking SPECTACULAR flower!
I hope this helps your understanding of eating disorders! To anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder, you have my utmost respect. The choice to nourish and heal yourself is an incredibly courageous and wonderful thing. Congratulations, and keep fighting. Believe in yourself.
To one of my dearest friends; I believe in you.
Love always,
Em xx
I actually remembered this because it's one of my self-talk things that I used in my own recovery from depression and anxiety. Instead of food (no problems for me there) I'd pretend that positive thoughts were nourishment. Just like the way plants take in nutrients through their roots, I would cultivate my positivity and become... Well, a freaking SPECTACULAR flower!
I hope this helps your understanding of eating disorders! To anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder, you have my utmost respect. The choice to nourish and heal yourself is an incredibly courageous and wonderful thing. Congratulations, and keep fighting. Believe in yourself.
To one of my dearest friends; I believe in you.
Love always,
Em xx